A letter to my childhood best friends

A personal letter to help grieve the friendships I have lost

To Emily, Mae and others,

It has been a while since we last spoke however I think about you guys often, I hope you are doing well. Occasionally, I will check on social media to see what you have been up to and how you have been even though everyone knows that social media is only for the highlights. Sometimes I wonder if you think about me, do you reminisce on the friendship like I do? At times I have considered reaching out just for a quick catch up, but I do not want to intrude if I am not welcome in the new life you have built. Besides, maybe the friendship did not have as much meaning to you as it did me.

Dear Mae,

My sweet Mae, we first met when you joined my class in primary school. The exact beginning of our friendship is hazy to me now but I do remember all the fun and laughter we experienced together. From sleepovers, celebrating birthdays at ice rinks to hanging out at the school library together on cold wet days. Regardless of what we were doing, we would use our imaginations to make it fun. When we were together we were such children and I mean that in an endearing way. We played and explored things together, attempted to make youtube videos and tumblr blogs, we were our authentically cringe selves with each other.

Lately, I have caught myself seeing ghosts of us in my day to day life, are you being haunted to? Do you see flashes of me or am I a faded part of your childhood? Our friendship firmly ended when you moved schools. A part of me has always regretted not getting in contact once you had left, I have no valid reason or excuse for my lack of effort. Mae, I hope you are happy and doing well.

Dear darling Emily,

Our friendship, compared to my other childhood friends, was shorter in length but our conection was significantly deeper, and it will always have a special place in my heart. We were always there for each other, through crushes to family issues we were each others ears. You approached everything you with care and kindness, although that did mean that that your heart did get broken a few times. Once even by me. I hope that you have found someone who will be fragile with it, takes care of it the way it needs and deserves to be.

One of your greatest attributes was that, even at 15, you had learnt the skill of never saying anything bad about anyone we knew regardless of what they had done. You managed to see the good in everyone, a trait that I have tried to adopt but have not mastered the way you have. I hope that even through whatever you have experienced, that you have not lost this ability.

I am sorry that we lost touch, we did try to reconnect as adults however, I was in a toxic relationship that caused me to burn bridges and once we had split up it felt too late to try to repair the damages.

Recently, I have seen that you are following your passion and I just want to say that I am so proud of you. I remember watching one of your shows at school and I could see the love and talent you had for it. I really do hope that you manage to achieve your dreams.

To the both of you, you are missed dearly. I think about you guys often, always positive but with a bittersweet twinge in my heart. I have changed your names to give you privacy but left details and clues that hopefully only you will be able to recognise incase you were to ever stumble upon this and wonder if one of these letters were for you. Incase you do read this one day, please know that I would love to catch up and reminisce about the past.

Hopefully life has been kind to you both.

Lots of love, Jay <3

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Lately I have been trying to heal wounds from when I was a teen and naturally this has meant that I have been thinking about things that impacted me; one of those areas is friendship. I have been trying to find a way that I could mourn both what I had lost and what could have been. The idea of writing these letters has been pressing on my mind so here they are. I have no intention of sending the letters to the people they are addressed to as these were more of a therapeutic exercise for myself. Being able to verbalise my feelings and being able to ready my thoughts has definitely helped me to heal.